There's Gotta Be Than This

When I say this I mean there has to be more to my life than the highs and lows of my emotions. I'm still kinda on the low today like yesterday but much higher than yesterday. I found a really old myspace post and I wanted to put it here cause it is relative to me today.
I believe a woman should be beautiful inside out is an option. There are so many women who are so beautiful inside and men just don't see it cause they are so interested in eye candy. Well guess what? Candy melts in heat and water, a women wont. I want to be beautiful inside. I'm fat and ugly I snore and I talk and eat too much and that's ok but I want to be beautiful inside. Beauty isn't always skin deep. There are some pretty people who have beautiful souls. Now my bf says i should drop some pounds and my friends say I should get my hair nails done put on some makeup. will it make me beautiful? No just cheap eye candy. Don't get me wrong I like those stuff but I don't want to be judged by my looks but by my heart and soul. So I've been nicer to people haven't lied recently, and tried to think of others before myself but i still fill like something is missing. I haven't prayed in a while or done any spells, I haven't even meditated which is weird for me. Maybe what I really lack is love of myself and peace of mind. i just wanna be loved and beautiful to someone. Mike will never get it. I sometimes feel he doesn't really love me, just using me like all you other bitches. Yes even you my friends use me somehow (either for your good or something negative). i dont know what to do...